The Orange and Banana War
by Janie3
Summary: Set in the first scene with Damon and Stefan in book 4. Damon and Stefan and a basket of fruit. Oh, the possibilities! ... And no, it's nothing perverted.


Title: The Orange and Banana War  
  
Author: Bunny and Janie  
  
Email: bunny@giantpurplebunnyrabbit.com or SwtAzSugar46@aol.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Warnings: comic violence, reference to depression  
  
Spoilers: VD  
  
Disclaimers: The concepts and characters of Vampire Diaries belong to L.J. Smith. We do not own any of the characters, blah blah blah. Don't sue us; we have no money. If we did we would not get broke going to WaWa for French Vanilla.  
  
Summary: Set in the first scene with Damon and Stefan in book 4. Damon and Stefan and a basket of fruit. Oh, the possibilities! ... And no, it's nothing perverted.  
  
Comments: You may want to load up on sugar and/or caffeine. This is our odd lil joke from the infamous question: WHY THE HECK WAS DAMON PEELING AN ORANGE?!?! Hello! We are writing this story based on a joke we got from The Vampire Diaries: Volume IV. It comes from the first scene with Damon and Stefan, in which Damon is peeling an orange. We have no idea why, but we have come up with a joke about it. The only characters who actually APPEAR in this story are Stefan and Damon. They do mention a few other characters, however. We don't mean to offend anyone in any way.  
  
WARNING: We are very mean to them. They are crazy. So you have been forewarned. The title will become reasonable when you start reading. Hope you like it!! Send all mail to bunny@giantpurplebunnyrabbit.com or SwtAzSugar46@aol.com. Visit www.giantpurplebunnyrabbit.com ~Bunny and Janie  
  
@}-  
  
"Die, evil fiend!"  
  
"On guard, thou wimpy depressed vampire in need of Prozac!"  
  
A round orange hit Stefan on the head with a THONK, and Stefan crashed to the floor, orange juice splattering onto the white walls of the fancy room. Damon's bare chest was heaving as he let out a wild battle cry.  
  
"AAYEEEEEEEE!!" Damon reached over to the fruit basket just as Stefan grabbed a banana.  
  
"And just WHAT do you plan to do with that, oh depressed one," asked Damon, his black eyes flashing angrily.  
  
"Oh, you'll see, you, you, you… arrogant feathered-friend, you!" yelled Stefan. He ran towards Damon and slammed the banana into Damon's chest. It made a SQUISH sound, and mushed together in a heap of banana… stuff. Damon blinked once, then twice. He then proceeded to burst out laughing. A moment later he was on the ground, gasping for air.  
  
"You idiot! Stefan, that was a banana! It was a fruit! I mean, come on! Elena needs someone with a little more ingenuity than that!" Damon cried, still recovering from his fit of laughter.  
  
"Well, she needs someone with more- hey, wait. She's dead," Stefan sobbed. Damon took advantage of his brother's hysterics and ran out of the room. When he returned, Damon carried a paintball gun. He filled the gun with grapes, and immediately began shooting Stefan with the gun.  
  
"No!" cried Stefan as he shielded himself from the grapes.  
  
"Get up you sissy!" yelled Damon. "Sissy, sissy, sissy!"  
  
Stefan army-crawled towards the fruit basket. He grabbed a tomato and hurled it at Damon. As soon as the tomato made contact, it stuck to Damon's nose.  
  
"Rudolf the red nosed Damon, had a very red nose. And if you ever saw him, you would just call him a freak (an: sing to tune of "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer)…" Stefan sang, giggling like a five-year-old.  
  
"Hey," said Damon, "tomatoes aren't fruits."  
  
"Yes, they are! It says so in the dictionary!" cried Stefan, sniffling slightly.  
  
"Oh, shut up. I look like a clown," stated Damon.  
  
"No! My brothers a clown! Like Bozo!" wailed Stefan, as he broke down crying.  
  
"Man, stop having a nervous break-down!" yelled Damon.  
  
"I am not!" screamed Stefan, crying harder.  
  
"Man, you need some Midol," commented Damon off-handedly.  
  
"I'm not a girl!" yelled Stefan. "Sure you are. You cry more than any girl I know." Stefan began to bawl, snorting occasionally.  
  
"You make me feel like an idiot, man," sobbed Stefan.  
  
"That's because you are," said Damon.  
  
"You're so mean, Damon!" wailed Stefan, crying even harder! (an: is that possible?)  
  
"Man, if Elena could see you now…"  
  
"Elena? Oh…" repeated Stefan, as he (yet again) began to cry even harder.  
  
"You are such a baby!" yelled Damon.  
  
"Stop saying that! Why'd you bring her up? You know I killed her! It's all my fault!" cried Stefan.  
  
"Uh… no, you didn't," replied Damon.  
  
"Well, I know that, but… still!" said Stefan. "Man, you're pathetic," stated Damon.  
  
"No, I'm not!" yelled Stefan. His nose was running continuously.  
  
"Ew… get a tissue, man." Stefan sobbed.  
  
"You really need counseling, bro," commented Damon.  
  
"I know," sobbed Stefan.  
  
There was a short silence before Stefan began gasping.  
  
"What now?!" yelled Damon. "I… can't… breathe… need… oxygen…" gasped Stefan. He stopped gasping and began coughing uncontrollably.  
  
Finally, a piece of chocolate came flying out of his mouth.  
  
"So that's where the last Rocher went! Bad Stefan!" yelled Damon, grabbing the chocolate and popping it in his mouth.  
  
"Hmm," he said, swallowing. "Tastes like chicken." Damon glanced at Stefan, shocked to see Stefan holding a banana up to his head.  
  
"What are you doing, freak?" asked Damon.  
  
"Call 911… I swear I'll do it, man," yelled Stefan. "Or better yet…" Stefan threw the banana away, and looked at the ring on his finger. He grasped it, but didn't pull it off. He glanced at the open window, the sunlight pouring into the room.  
  
"I'll end it all here, man! I can't deal with the emotional stress! Here and now, man, here and now!" Just as Stefan was going to pull off his ring, he coughed up… boxers?  
  
The boxers were hot pink with white polka dots.  
  
"Hey!" screamed Damon, grabbing the boxers. "Those are mine! Mommy gave them to me!"  
  
"Uh… Damon… Mom's been dead for 500 years…" stated Stefan, staring at his brother.  
  
"Uh… yeah…" mumbled Damon. "Looks like I win! Yay!" Damon started clapping and skipping around the room.  
  
He pranced around spinning like a ballerina. He stopped abruptly as he realized people were watching from the doorway. Damon stared at Stefan for a moment before saying,  
  
"You can get up now, bro." Stefan did nothing, so Damon poked him a few times.  
  
"Um… okay…" "OWEEEEEE!!! YOU HURT ME, DAMON-MEANY-HEAD!!!" yelled Stefan. He then passed out of hyperventilation.  
  
"Ok…" mumbled Damon. Damon turned to the blond girl at his side and said, "C'mon, Elena, let's go."  
  
He took a few steps forward before stopping.  
  
He turned and yelped, "Elena?!" He then proceeded to fall to the ground, unconscious.  
  
Elena stared at the two men on the floor. She shook her head and sighed.  
  
"What's with these guys? Must run in the family… genetics… what weirdos… man oh man… and to think they looked so hot…"  
  
The End.  
  
Well, there you have it. Our sick little story of the war between the two (odd) Salvatore brothers. And no, this isn't how they actually behave. We simply hyperbolized Stefan's Prozac needs a "tad-a-tad" bit too much. And Damon, well, he's just Damon.  
  
~Janie and Bunny 


End file.
